On Our Best Behavior: Elise Loehnen Pushes Back on the Patriarchal Narrative

In this episode of the Matriarchy series, we explore how deeply ingrained patriarchal narratives can create a policing effect on the behavior of women. 

Author, Elise Loehnen, discusses her book "On Our Best Behavior" which examines how concepts like the seven deadly sins have historically been used to restrict women's behavior and police their adherence to an idealized form of "goodness." Loehnen unpacks the insidious ways women are culturally conditioned from a young age to suppress normal human drives like anger, ambition, and sexuality. And how disrupting rigid gender stereotypes is important when raising the next generation in order to build a more compassionate world. 

Jen and Elise discuss:

How women are culturally conditioned and expected to embody "goodness" while men are oriented toward power 

How concepts like the "seven deadly sins" have historically been used as a patriarchal "punch card" to police women's behavior

Why raising boys to have an emotional inner life nurtures positive identity development

The current era of politics that calls for women to challenge the patriarchal system while also having compassionate dialogue to build a new, care-centered world where everyone can flourish

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Thought-Provoking Quotes:

“Women are trained for goodness and men are trained for power.” - Elise Loehnen

“The worst thing for a woman is reputational harm--just the assigning of her badness. Bad mother. Toxic coworker. Toxic boss. Unkind. She says the wrong thing. And it's sort of impossible to defend yourself against that. We have zero tolerance, and it's very scary.” - Elise Loehnen

"We need a culture where the men are like, 'I would like to be more like women. I need to be caring. I want to be nurturing and creative. And yes, I can be strong and I can be masculine, but I also need this underdeveloped muscle.'" - Elise Loehnen

Resources Mentioned in This Episode:

On Our Best Behavior by Elise Loehnen - https://bit.ly/44tz41D

Goop - https://goop.com

For the Love of Being Seen and Heard ft. Lori Gottlieb - https://bit.ly/4b8YT9C

Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb - https://bit.ly/3JO7FOn

Evagrius Ponticus (Fourth Century Christian Monk) - https://bit.ly/4b7zEV5

Pope Gregory on the 7 Deadly Sins - https://bit.ly/3y1J1XK

Harvey Weinstein Abuse Cases - https://bit.ly/4b5ktM5

Carol Gilligan - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carol_Gilligan

In a Different Voice by Carol Gilligan - https://bit.ly/3JQ9IBh  

Human Voice by Carol Gilligan - https://bit.ly/3UQ1Rcn

Andrew Tate - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andrew_Tate

Order, Disorder, Reorder (An idea Developed by Richard Rohr) - https://bit.ly/44xzHqK

For the Love of The Enneagram ft. Richard Rohr - https://bit.ly/3QzzZaW

Loretta Ross - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loretta_Ross

Guest’s Links:

Elise’s Website - https://www.eliseloehnen.com/

Elise’s Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/eliseloehnen/

Elise’s Twitter - https://www.twitter.com/eloehnen

Elise’s Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/EliseLoehnen/

Elise’s LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/elise-loehnen-b867523/

Pulling the Thread (Elise’s Stubstack Blog) - https://eliseloehnen.substack.com/

Pulling the Thread (Elise’s Podcast) - https://www.eliseloehnen.com/episodes

Connect with Jen!

Jen’s website - https://jenhatmaker.com/

Jen’s Instagram - https://instagram.com/jenhatmaker

Jen’s Twitter - https://twitter.com/jenHatmaker/

Jen’s Facebook - https://facebook.com/jenhatmaker

Jen’s YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/user/JenHatmaker?sub_confirmation=1

The For the Love Podcast is a production of Four Eyes Media, presented by Audacy. 

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